What is blogging?

First, I will say that it has been a long time since I have written! Second, my baby is one and Hunter will be 2 next week! And third, I will answer the before mentioned question. Now that facebook has come about I find it harder and harder to blog. I wasn't very good at blogging before but I would say I am A LOT worse now. It takes a lot longer to upload pics than facebook and it is a lot easier to just put a thought in my status then a novel on my blog. But I will also say that I love looking at blogs and catching up with people because we definitely give more info than just a one line sentence! haha So here is my novel for today but no pics again...sorry.

The holiday season almost forces you to think, analyze, ponder, view things, and express your thoughts and feelings. Am I grateful for that? Yes. Do I wish we were forced more often? Yes and No. Yes because I love the way people act and how I feel. No because sometimes being forced to think is not always something positive happening in your life. If that makes sense?
I have been very blessed to have parents, siblings, inlaws, and sibling-in-laws that are WONDERFUL! They are always there when I need them. I am grateful to have an awesome husband that takes care of me and my kids! He is so patient with me especially when my emotions are all out of whack. He takes care of many things that I just don't have the energy to do at the end of the day. And he will sit and just let me talk his ear off without trying to "fix it". I have a great 6 year old that helps me tons around the house and with his brothers. And to top it off he LOVES school. I don't have to bug him about getting his homework done because he can't wait to get it done after school. I love listening to him read especially to his brothers. He keeps my mind going, always, with question after question. He is a huge help and I don't tell him enough.
Then, with my babies turning one and 2 in the last couple of months, it has really had me thinking. "This is my family. These are my three boys that keep me busy but have me appreciating motherhood everyday." I didn't think I would have any more after Tanner but now I have three and they are awesome! I wouldn't change anything about them or how they got here. Obviously the Lord knew what I could handle when many days I wonder, "Really? You think I can do this?" When Linc turned one I wanted to have a huge party! And selfishly more for me...because I MADE IT! We are all still alive, doing well, and I didn't hurt anyone...especially myself! I know that I have the Lord to thank for that. He sustained me when I thought I couldn't go anymore. He has been patient with me when I haven't felt adequate enough. When I have felt like a failing mother, He has given me family and friends to buoy me up. He has forgiven me when I have fallen into bed exhausted without saying my prayers. He has given me strength and encouragement when I have need of it the most. I am definitely not perfect and have LOTS to work on, but feeling the love from my Father in Heaven, my Savior, my family and friends will never go unnoticed.

thoughts....

First, we haven't got rid of the internet yet because I find it too convenient in my life and we are finding other ways to save money.
Second, Lincoln will be 1 in less than a month...time sure flies and I wonder how I have made it this far.
Third, I have so many things on my mind that I don't know where to start. I have wanted to start a journal so that I can work through my emotions better but I hate writing and I won't sit down and make the time. Hopefully I will get there soon. So for now this is acting as my journal.
Growing up I all I wanted to do was get married and have kids. Now in the space of 2 years we added #2 and #3 child. Wow is motherhood soooo different than I expected. In the world today us mothers are fighting to feel important in the world! When someone asks us what we do we say, "Oh I am a stay at home mom." or "I am home with my kids." Have you ever felt from people that that isn't enough? Or when your husband says, "So did you enjoy your day at home eating bon bons, reading a book and taking a nap?" I know it is a joke but sometimes it hurts. Why can't the husband come home and say, "Thanks for feeding the kids today." "Thanks for changing 8 poopy diapers today." "Thanks for doing my laundry." "Thanks for vacuuming." "Thanks for making sure the bills are paid and taking all the stupid phone calls from solicitors." "Thanks for being drooled on, spit up on, and making sure you don't smell like it when I get home." I know that isn't in their nature, but it is okay to hope sometimes right?
Since Lincoln started moving around, motherhood became something I didn't expect. Many nights I go to bed thinking, "What did I do today? Anything productive?" Well, many times I don't feel productive! Then over a month ago a wonderful woman in my ward gave a lesson in Relief Society that has changed my thinking. She asked us, "What is your duty to God?" Or course my first thought was Motherhood and then my next thought was...is that all? So I started searching and thinking about what Motherhood means. Motherhood to me is...Wow the pressure but Wow the privilege! I try to enjoy the moments I can because they won't last long and before I know it they will be out of the house and into the scary world.
As a mother and an individual person it is hard not to look at the people around me and wish I were more like them. Wish I could enjoy the moments to the fullest. Wish I could feel things to its fullest. Wish I could express feelings to the fullest. Be truly happy. Be truly sad. Be truly grateful. Be truly respectful. Be truly sorrowful. Be truly considerate. Be truly loving. Someday I will figure things out. Gotta go.

update and later

Tanner has started school, Mark is still loving his job, Lincoln will be 1 in Nov., Hunter will be 2 in Dec...which gives us 2 one year olds for a month and a half haha..., and I am trying to keep up with everything and everyone.

Well, the time has come in our lives that we are doing away with the internet in our home. Why? you ask? We are trying to save some money. Our goal is to be debt free in the next 5 years, so we are trying to get rid of the funny things that we think "we need" but can really do without for awhile. I will try and update when I can, so see ya later for now!

Summer...

Hello everyone, again the months have just flown by! We are alive and doing well. I thought I would eventually get better at posting but I guess not. haha I am finally starting to get in a routine and feel more confident getting out of the house with all three boys. So this will come too...sometime! My boys are doing great. Growing up and keeping me busy! Tanner will be starting 1st grade at the end of August. Hunter and Lincoln are discovering things everyday. I am trying to keep my house clean, getting my family fed, the laundry down to only one pile instead of 7 or 8, hopefully getting a workout in, and enjoying watching my kids grow. Mark is loving his job, enjoys golfing, and shooting with Tanner and his friends.

I have been taking pics but that will have to be for another day because it is my bedtime! Hope everyone is doing well. And I appreciate your dilligence in keeping your blogs updated so I know how you all are doing. I am hoping to get better. Bye Bye

WOW!

I can't believe it has been so long since I wrote last! Time just flies! Lincoln is now almost 6 months old, Hunter is 16 months old, and Tanner is 6! That is a lot of 6's haha. It is so crazy around this house that I barely have time to shower most days. And since it has been so long, I won't be posting many pics or going into great detail of what we have been doing.

December: Hunter had his first birthday and we had Christmas at home for the first time as a family then headed to the Nichols for the rest of the day.
January: We were all stuck at home because of the weather. I guess I should rephrase that because we were stuck at home most of the winter because of our little Lincoln.
Feb: Another lovely month at home. :) EXCEPT for a weekend over to Boise for one of my good friend's wedding! Just Lincoln and I while Mark stayed home with the kids.
March: I got a double stroller while down at my parents house...that was a hard purchase for me, but I have LOVED it ever since. MY BIRTHDAY! :) It was an awesome one at that! I remembered that the year before on my birthday I was throwing up all weekend and later to find out because I was pregnant haha.
April: Tanner turned 6 at the beginning of the month, he has started soccer, and has been able to play outside with the neighbors and on his new bike. (I ran over the old one conviently right before his birthday.)

Now we are onto May! Good grief!! We did get our family pics from Jenny and some pics of the boys from my sister's mother-in-law. I love them all!











Mark is loving his job at Melaleuca as a Buyer/Purchaser. I hang out at home with the kids and don't venture out much with all 3. Grocery shopping is done at night after the kids are in bed, cleaning is done while following Hunter around as he destroys everything he touches. There are lots of smiles and screams and whining and crying and hiding (I try at least) and laughing and talking and loving around this house. It is kinda crazy but I try to cherish every moment because they grow up too fast!

he is home...

Okay, so he has been home for one week now and we love it! Talk about adjustment, but it is totally worth it. My mom came up at the beginning of the week, mark has been off since Wednesday because of the holiday, and my parents and sibling came up Thanksgiving night and then left yesterday. I am grateful for having another adult here with me because frankly I am scared to be left alone! I am getting more comfortable since I am trying to work out a schedule, but when I am all alone all day long...SCARY! :) Bring it on? Haha

Anyway, we are doing great and Lincoln is doing awesome! I will post pictures later when I get longer than a minute to update. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Lincoln pics...finally

Lincoln William Nichols
5 lbs 15 oz and 19 1/2 inches long

cpap...had to wear over night


first time I got to hold him after he was born! Saturday afternoon

2 days old
3 days
4 days
was under a light for jaundice and had cute sunglasses
6 days old

got to move into a "big newborn" bed
8 days old
9 days old
I am sorry it has taken me so long to post these! I can't believe how crazy my life has been since Hunter came home, a week and a half ago. I barely have time to breathe somedays and I am lucky if I can return phone calls the same day, haha. And Lincoln isn't even home yet...wow! So sorry for the delay :) He is now 13 days old and we are hoping to bring him home soon!

He is here...

Lincoln William Nichols was born Nov. 6th at 8:06 pm! He weighed in at 5 lbs 15 oz and 19.5 inches long. He is doing great! I am now home but he will be in the hospital for a little longer. They took his oxygen off this morning so hopefully that will help him with eating because he was getting a lot of air bubbles, which would cause him to spit up. So we will see how he does today :) I am going to see him while Tanner is at school, hopefully I will still have good news at that point! He takes a bottle really well when he is not tired of course. He was born a week earlier than Hunter was, is doing better than Hunter did at this point and was bigger than Hunter was when he was born! So he has a lot going for him. I will keep ya posted. Tanner is home with me for school, Hunter will come home in a couple of days and then hopefully Lincoln will come home a couple of days after that! :) We have been truly blessed! I know I wouldn't have said this a couple of weeks ago, but all the weeks and weeks I was on bedrest was totally worth it! It actually doesn't even seem like it happened, especially when I hold my sweet baby in my arms! Thank you are all the thoughts and prayers for him, me and my family. I will post pics soon :)

Hunter at 10 months...

Hunter was able to come home this weekend and we LOVED it! He has gotten so big and gets into everything. He has started to stand on his own and will even take a step or two before falling to the ground and then crawling! I can't believe how much he has grown since we got to see him last. I can' wait to have him home with us for good!
He loves Tanner and will follow him all over the house! He doesn't take very good naps here because if he hears Tanner at all he wakes up. I think it would be safe to say that Tanner misses Hunter just as much as I do! But I at the same time Tanner has gotten use to being here by himself and can make tons of noise and not have to worry about Hunter. So that will have to be another adjustment when he comes back home.
While Tanner was off trick o' treating with some friends, Mark was taking Hunter's clothes off to put his jammies on and Hunter crawled away laughing! He loves not having clothes on! So he sat and played and laughed for a good 45 mins! Mark and I had a blast just watching our little (not so little anymore ha) guy!
He loves playing with my medicine bottle...
and he loves to blow spit and bubbles!

This was a couple of weeks ago...not quite 10 months old yet :)

karate kid...

Tanner in his Halloween costume :) (thanks to both grandma's for supplying it)

BLESSED...

Sorry for not expressing my thanks to my Heavenly Father in my earlier post! It was made known to me how negative I was by my dear dad. He has shown me great faith and love throughout this trial in my life. And he isn't the only one! We have been so blessed with this pregnancy...without all the prayers, fasting, service, faith and love we wouldn't have made it this far! It started getting scary in this pregnancy around 26 weeks, and I have made it this far. I admit, I am a closet cryer. So when I have to deal with something head on that I know will make me cry, I just avoid talking about it all together. Hence the reason why I didn't or haven't expressed my TRUE thanks, because it just makes me cry. I truly love my family (both sides), close friends, and my Heavenly Father! They have been a huge help in me making it this far without going totally insane. ha So please forgive me for sounding ungrateful!

dilated to a 4...

Wow yesterday was an emotional day! First it started off with waking up in the middle of the night almost having a panic attack because my contractions were so hard and I was reliving Tanner's labor and delivery (which was all natural...not by choice but because I went too fast). Now having a baby natural and one with an epidural, I DON'T want to go through the natural thing again...IT HURTS! So I went to my appointment not feeling great and expecting not to get great news. Well my doctor sent me to the hospital to have another "fetal fibronectin" test (preterm labor test) to see if I had another two weeks. No such luck. The test came back positive, which means we don't know anything AND I am dilated to a 4!! If it were negative, it gives me for sure 2 weeks before I would go into labor. The other two times I have had this test my results have been negative. So the doctor sent me home and told me to continue what I have been doing, especially make sure I take my medicine that helps my contractions not be so hard all the time. If I stopped taking that medicine the baby would be here for sure! I need to make it as close to 35 weeks as possible, but who knows, maybe I will go full term. ha

So right now I am in the "I don't know anything" phase and it drives me crazy! I don't know how long I can keep this baby in. I don't know why the doctor sent me home and didn't try to stop the contractions. I don't know what will happen with the baby if it comes earlier than 35 weeks. Meaning, I don't know how long the baby would be in the NICU or if there is a possibility that with the steriod shot the baby will be able to come home. I don't know why my body is doing preterm labor. I don't know what else I can do to keep the baby in. I don't know how I am still at home and dilated to a 4! I don't know if my water will break or if my contractions will just get harder and closer together even with the medicine. I don't know! So the information I have given you is all I really know, sorry.

I will keep you posted.

another...

Hello everyone! Well, I think that this weeks appointment was the most uneventful for a long time!! First, on Sunday we ended up going into the hospital because I thought my water broke and I was in tons of pain. Well come to find out that I just have another uti...so no worries there, just more medication I have to take. Second, today I found out that I am still dilated to a 3. Nothing has changed and because of the test I took last week I still have another week before I could go into labor. The baby is still measuring a week ahead, so more good news! The doctor told me that probably next week we will do the preterm labor test again to see if I have another two weeks and his goal now is to get me to 35 weeks. He says that if we can make it to that point then we most likely won't have to worry about the NICU and the HUGE BILLS that come with it! So pray for 3 more weeks!

Another fun thing that happened this week, Hunter is now 10 months old!! We miss him tons, but know that he is in great hands and is being loved and spoiled! When it is time for him to come home he may not like us because of the undivided attention he is getting now and want to go back! ha ha I am grateful for the care he is getting because I just can't do it right now. Thanks Mom and Dad Nichols!! Before I know it he will be back, I will have a newborn at home, and all will be CRAZY! :)

Thank you for all the prayers and fasting!! I know that has made the difference in keeping this baby in and helping my family through a trying time! Thanks again, we love and appreciate all of you!

one week down...

Well, some of you may be wondering how my appt with the doctor went yesterday. Lets just say it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear but it wasn't a shocker either! The doctor sent me to the hospital to have another preterm labor test (fetal fibronectin test) and while he was doing the test he checked my cervix. Well I am now dilated to a 3 and 80% efaced!! In one week I went from a 1 to a 3...I was in bed and didn't leave the house all week! WOW Then test came back negative so supposedly I have at least 2 weeks before I will go into labor. But we will see how accurate the test really is...ha! When my doctor with Hunter found out I was at this point, I had him within the week. I think the one good thing about all of this is that the baby is still measuring a week ahead, at 32 weeks.

So hopefully I have at least 2 more weeks because the longer the baby is in the better. I didn't write about it yesterday because it was kind of depressing. It is hard to lay down all day and not go out of the house...it makes me crazy. But I know that it will all be worth it. Mark and I are planning on this baby being in the NICU, but the longer I can keep him in the less time he would be there...we hope anyway. But I don't think we have an option at this point of him not going to the NICU. It seems my body is doing everything it can to get the baby out. The doctor also told me that we have done everything we possible can at this point so if the baby comes we will just deal with it and hope for the best. So today being a new day...I am hoping for the best :) Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers, I know they are helping my family to get through this...especially me!

Oh, and I did get some pictures of Hunter while he was home with us last weekend so I will post those soon! We miss him TONS!!

going private...

Hey everyone, I have been thinking a lot lately about going private and I am finally going to take the time to do it. :) So please leave a comment with your email or email me at candice_nichols@msn.com. I will make the switch by Monday of next week...thanks!

what's new this week

Wednesdays have become the days of dr. appointments and spending a couple of hours at the hospital for testing. Fun, Fun. Well today they discovered I am 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced...now don't panic yet! Yes I am 30 weeks and yes I am scared but I have to relax and take the necessary steps to keep things going slow. Contractions and pain are slowly getting worse and worse, which means now that there will be no more leaving the house unless it is to go to the doctors, hospital, or my in-laws! Wow My kids spent the weekend at my parents and then yesterday because of contractions we had to send Hunter up to my in-laws for the rest of the week. I think one of the hardest things for me has been to accept that I can't take care of my kids and husband. Admitting that is even harder, but I also have to quit being selfish and focus on what is best for this little baby that still needs growing time. So to all of you I am finally admitting (without crying) that it is official...I can't take care of anyone but myself and this baby right now! Sadly Hunter knows that I can't take care of him because if there is another person in the room besides me and Tanner he will go to them when he needs something. Sad...heartbreaking...but reality! Luckily my kids and husband will bounce back from this neglect, at least that is what I keep telling myself! Anyway there is the update and hopefully next week will not have changed much :) bye bye

new update...

I had my weekly appointment with my Dr. yesterday and things are going as good as can be expected. He sent me to the hospital for a nonstress test and my first of two steriod shots for the baby's lungs. I took my second shot this afternoon and can I tell you, OUCH! I know that the shot is very effective but ouch all the same! ha The dr wants to be safe than sorry with the baby's development! And he is hoping that I can make it at least 3 more weeks before they have to stop labor. He is pretty sure I will go even earlier then Hunter, but our ultimate goal is making it 6 more weeks before I go into labor! :) Currently I am having a progesterone shot once a week, taking nifedipine daily for contractions, and have had 2 steriod shots. We are keeping our fingers crossed! But it really depends on how careful I am...I really have to pay attention to my body. Someone told me recently that the sacrifice you are going through now is worth holding that baby in your arms that is strong and healthy! And already having a baby in the NICU for two weeks I truly know how important that is, especially being able to take your baby home with you instead of going home empty handed! I know that my kids and husband suffer but I was also given some amazing advice that, "Having a baby involves the whole family and everyone will be blessed for their part in getting the baby here safely." I truly have been blessed with supportive family and friends that are helping me and my family through this hard time. Each day that this baby is in baking the better for both him and my family! These things I remind myself of everyday and it helps a ton! SO thanks for the support and advice! I have been on partial/full bedrest for at least a month so what is another 2 right?! ha I will try and keep you all updated, but really it is more for me...kinda like my journal. :) Have a great weekend!

frustrated mom...

Well, where do I begin? As most of you know I was put on bed rest a week and a half ago and sent Hunter to my in laws for about 6 days. Then my appointment on Wednesday went really well and my doctor told me that I didn't need to send him away, especially now that I am taking a progesterone shot that is suppose to keep you from going into labor early, which I will be taking every week for the next 10 weeks...but still be careful in how much I did at home. So of course I headed up that night to pick him up!! Who wouldn't right? Well, since then I have come to realize that I still can't and shouldn't be taking care of him! Sad huh?! My doctor told me to make sure I didn't do anything that would cause a lot of contractions...well just showering and getting ready for the day causes too many that I have to sit down to get them to stop with additional medicine. Then I get tired of sitting in my bed with my feet up so I go sit in a chair or at the computer, well after awhile that causes contractions! Seriously what can I do? Some of the contractions aren't hard so I don't worry too much about them but when my legs ache and back aches and I have to stop and wait the contraction thru, those are the serious ones. More often then not I have to remind myself that I am only 27-28 weeks along and it is NOT good to be having contractions that I should have after 36 weeks! Then I remember what it was like while Hunter was in the NICU and then I remember that this baby weighs maybe 2 lbs....AHHHH! On top of all this, Mark is taking care of everything! Poor guy! He has started a permanent job in the Purchasing department this week...so has been in training overloading his brain with info then comes home to a frustrated and crying wife, a 5 year old that needs and wants his dads attention, and a 9 month old that just needs to be held and played with. Then add the laundry, cleaning (which all moms know this is a big job in itself!), dinner, outside work...the list goes on and on! And all I can do is sit and watch :( I try to help him with the kids as much as I can...but soon after I end up back in bed.
I know that the end reward is totally worth sitting around, but if you know me at all, it is killing me! I try to stay busy, try not to stress, and try to ask people for help (which I will be great at by the end of all this! ha) but it is really hard! People ask, "Does the doctor say why he thinks this is happening...having too many contractions?" and No he really hasn't said but if you remember I JUST HAD A BABY 9 MONTHS AGO!! I had problems in my pregnancy with Hunter then WHAM I get pregnant again 3 months later...don't you think my body has had enough? and didn't have enough time to heal properly? That is my guess! ha So instead of wondering the "whys", I go to bed thinking..."I made it through one more day!", then I wake up in the morning thinking..."Be careful today! I can't have this baby yet! Lord give me and my family strength to make it through this day!"
Please don't read any of this the wrong way, because I am REALLY excited to be having another baby even with them being less than 12 months apart! I know it will be hard for awhile and I feel totally blessed that the Lord has faith and trust in me to take on this trial. Those things run through my mind on a daily basis but Satan is working hard on me and my family also! So this post was more for me to release some stress and frustration. Thank you for all your wonderful, uplifting comments...they always come when I need them most! So thank you!!
There is more that I could and want to say but I have been sitting here too long and now need to go put my feet up again! Thanks for listening...until next time :)

missing my baby...

This is when Hunter could actually stay home with me a couple of weeks ago.
He was just starting to pull himself up in his crib :) The sign that his bed needed to be lowered!
lowered and now chewing on his crib...

caught and loving it!

Tanner's first day at Kindergarten!!

August 31st was Tanner's first day of school!
We were just heading out the door and I was trying to get him to smile normal :)

where they line up waiting for their teacher Mrs. Merkley

heading in...no problem for him :)

He Loves school!