BLESSED...

Sorry for not expressing my thanks to my Heavenly Father in my earlier post! It was made known to me how negative I was by my dear dad. He has shown me great faith and love throughout this trial in my life. And he isn't the only one! We have been so blessed with this pregnancy...without all the prayers, fasting, service, faith and love we wouldn't have made it this far! It started getting scary in this pregnancy around 26 weeks, and I have made it this far. I admit, I am a closet cryer. So when I have to deal with something head on that I know will make me cry, I just avoid talking about it all together. Hence the reason why I didn't or haven't expressed my TRUE thanks, because it just makes me cry. I truly love my family (both sides), close friends, and my Heavenly Father! They have been a huge help in me making it this far without going totally insane. ha So please forgive me for sounding ungrateful!

dilated to a 4...

Wow yesterday was an emotional day! First it started off with waking up in the middle of the night almost having a panic attack because my contractions were so hard and I was reliving Tanner's labor and delivery (which was all natural...not by choice but because I went too fast). Now having a baby natural and one with an epidural, I DON'T want to go through the natural thing again...IT HURTS! So I went to my appointment not feeling great and expecting not to get great news. Well my doctor sent me to the hospital to have another "fetal fibronectin" test (preterm labor test) to see if I had another two weeks. No such luck. The test came back positive, which means we don't know anything AND I am dilated to a 4!! If it were negative, it gives me for sure 2 weeks before I would go into labor. The other two times I have had this test my results have been negative. So the doctor sent me home and told me to continue what I have been doing, especially make sure I take my medicine that helps my contractions not be so hard all the time. If I stopped taking that medicine the baby would be here for sure! I need to make it as close to 35 weeks as possible, but who knows, maybe I will go full term. ha

So right now I am in the "I don't know anything" phase and it drives me crazy! I don't know how long I can keep this baby in. I don't know why the doctor sent me home and didn't try to stop the contractions. I don't know what will happen with the baby if it comes earlier than 35 weeks. Meaning, I don't know how long the baby would be in the NICU or if there is a possibility that with the steriod shot the baby will be able to come home. I don't know why my body is doing preterm labor. I don't know what else I can do to keep the baby in. I don't know how I am still at home and dilated to a 4! I don't know if my water will break or if my contractions will just get harder and closer together even with the medicine. I don't know! So the information I have given you is all I really know, sorry.

I will keep you posted.

another...

Hello everyone! Well, I think that this weeks appointment was the most uneventful for a long time!! First, on Sunday we ended up going into the hospital because I thought my water broke and I was in tons of pain. Well come to find out that I just have another uti...so no worries there, just more medication I have to take. Second, today I found out that I am still dilated to a 3. Nothing has changed and because of the test I took last week I still have another week before I could go into labor. The baby is still measuring a week ahead, so more good news! The doctor told me that probably next week we will do the preterm labor test again to see if I have another two weeks and his goal now is to get me to 35 weeks. He says that if we can make it to that point then we most likely won't have to worry about the NICU and the HUGE BILLS that come with it! So pray for 3 more weeks!

Another fun thing that happened this week, Hunter is now 10 months old!! We miss him tons, but know that he is in great hands and is being loved and spoiled! When it is time for him to come home he may not like us because of the undivided attention he is getting now and want to go back! ha ha I am grateful for the care he is getting because I just can't do it right now. Thanks Mom and Dad Nichols!! Before I know it he will be back, I will have a newborn at home, and all will be CRAZY! :)

Thank you for all the prayers and fasting!! I know that has made the difference in keeping this baby in and helping my family through a trying time! Thanks again, we love and appreciate all of you!

one week down...

Well, some of you may be wondering how my appt with the doctor went yesterday. Lets just say it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear but it wasn't a shocker either! The doctor sent me to the hospital to have another preterm labor test (fetal fibronectin test) and while he was doing the test he checked my cervix. Well I am now dilated to a 3 and 80% efaced!! In one week I went from a 1 to a 3...I was in bed and didn't leave the house all week! WOW Then test came back negative so supposedly I have at least 2 weeks before I will go into labor. But we will see how accurate the test really is...ha! When my doctor with Hunter found out I was at this point, I had him within the week. I think the one good thing about all of this is that the baby is still measuring a week ahead, at 32 weeks.

So hopefully I have at least 2 more weeks because the longer the baby is in the better. I didn't write about it yesterday because it was kind of depressing. It is hard to lay down all day and not go out of the house...it makes me crazy. But I know that it will all be worth it. Mark and I are planning on this baby being in the NICU, but the longer I can keep him in the less time he would be there...we hope anyway. But I don't think we have an option at this point of him not going to the NICU. It seems my body is doing everything it can to get the baby out. The doctor also told me that we have done everything we possible can at this point so if the baby comes we will just deal with it and hope for the best. So today being a new day...I am hoping for the best :) Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers, I know they are helping my family to get through this...especially me!

Oh, and I did get some pictures of Hunter while he was home with us last weekend so I will post those soon! We miss him TONS!!

going private...

Hey everyone, I have been thinking a lot lately about going private and I am finally going to take the time to do it. :) So please leave a comment with your email or email me at candice_nichols@msn.com. I will make the switch by Monday of next week...thanks!

what's new this week

Wednesdays have become the days of dr. appointments and spending a couple of hours at the hospital for testing. Fun, Fun. Well today they discovered I am 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced...now don't panic yet! Yes I am 30 weeks and yes I am scared but I have to relax and take the necessary steps to keep things going slow. Contractions and pain are slowly getting worse and worse, which means now that there will be no more leaving the house unless it is to go to the doctors, hospital, or my in-laws! Wow My kids spent the weekend at my parents and then yesterday because of contractions we had to send Hunter up to my in-laws for the rest of the week. I think one of the hardest things for me has been to accept that I can't take care of my kids and husband. Admitting that is even harder, but I also have to quit being selfish and focus on what is best for this little baby that still needs growing time. So to all of you I am finally admitting (without crying) that it is official...I can't take care of anyone but myself and this baby right now! Sadly Hunter knows that I can't take care of him because if there is another person in the room besides me and Tanner he will go to them when he needs something. Sad...heartbreaking...but reality! Luckily my kids and husband will bounce back from this neglect, at least that is what I keep telling myself! Anyway there is the update and hopefully next week will not have changed much :) bye bye

new update...

I had my weekly appointment with my Dr. yesterday and things are going as good as can be expected. He sent me to the hospital for a nonstress test and my first of two steriod shots for the baby's lungs. I took my second shot this afternoon and can I tell you, OUCH! I know that the shot is very effective but ouch all the same! ha The dr wants to be safe than sorry with the baby's development! And he is hoping that I can make it at least 3 more weeks before they have to stop labor. He is pretty sure I will go even earlier then Hunter, but our ultimate goal is making it 6 more weeks before I go into labor! :) Currently I am having a progesterone shot once a week, taking nifedipine daily for contractions, and have had 2 steriod shots. We are keeping our fingers crossed! But it really depends on how careful I am...I really have to pay attention to my body. Someone told me recently that the sacrifice you are going through now is worth holding that baby in your arms that is strong and healthy! And already having a baby in the NICU for two weeks I truly know how important that is, especially being able to take your baby home with you instead of going home empty handed! I know that my kids and husband suffer but I was also given some amazing advice that, "Having a baby involves the whole family and everyone will be blessed for their part in getting the baby here safely." I truly have been blessed with supportive family and friends that are helping me and my family through this hard time. Each day that this baby is in baking the better for both him and my family! These things I remind myself of everyday and it helps a ton! SO thanks for the support and advice! I have been on partial/full bedrest for at least a month so what is another 2 right?! ha I will try and keep you all updated, but really it is more for me...kinda like my journal. :) Have a great weekend!

frustrated mom...

Well, where do I begin? As most of you know I was put on bed rest a week and a half ago and sent Hunter to my in laws for about 6 days. Then my appointment on Wednesday went really well and my doctor told me that I didn't need to send him away, especially now that I am taking a progesterone shot that is suppose to keep you from going into labor early, which I will be taking every week for the next 10 weeks...but still be careful in how much I did at home. So of course I headed up that night to pick him up!! Who wouldn't right? Well, since then I have come to realize that I still can't and shouldn't be taking care of him! Sad huh?! My doctor told me to make sure I didn't do anything that would cause a lot of contractions...well just showering and getting ready for the day causes too many that I have to sit down to get them to stop with additional medicine. Then I get tired of sitting in my bed with my feet up so I go sit in a chair or at the computer, well after awhile that causes contractions! Seriously what can I do? Some of the contractions aren't hard so I don't worry too much about them but when my legs ache and back aches and I have to stop and wait the contraction thru, those are the serious ones. More often then not I have to remind myself that I am only 27-28 weeks along and it is NOT good to be having contractions that I should have after 36 weeks! Then I remember what it was like while Hunter was in the NICU and then I remember that this baby weighs maybe 2 lbs....AHHHH! On top of all this, Mark is taking care of everything! Poor guy! He has started a permanent job in the Purchasing department this week...so has been in training overloading his brain with info then comes home to a frustrated and crying wife, a 5 year old that needs and wants his dads attention, and a 9 month old that just needs to be held and played with. Then add the laundry, cleaning (which all moms know this is a big job in itself!), dinner, outside work...the list goes on and on! And all I can do is sit and watch :( I try to help him with the kids as much as I can...but soon after I end up back in bed.
I know that the end reward is totally worth sitting around, but if you know me at all, it is killing me! I try to stay busy, try not to stress, and try to ask people for help (which I will be great at by the end of all this! ha) but it is really hard! People ask, "Does the doctor say why he thinks this is happening...having too many contractions?" and No he really hasn't said but if you remember I JUST HAD A BABY 9 MONTHS AGO!! I had problems in my pregnancy with Hunter then WHAM I get pregnant again 3 months later...don't you think my body has had enough? and didn't have enough time to heal properly? That is my guess! ha So instead of wondering the "whys", I go to bed thinking..."I made it through one more day!", then I wake up in the morning thinking..."Be careful today! I can't have this baby yet! Lord give me and my family strength to make it through this day!"
Please don't read any of this the wrong way, because I am REALLY excited to be having another baby even with them being less than 12 months apart! I know it will be hard for awhile and I feel totally blessed that the Lord has faith and trust in me to take on this trial. Those things run through my mind on a daily basis but Satan is working hard on me and my family also! So this post was more for me to release some stress and frustration. Thank you for all your wonderful, uplifting comments...they always come when I need them most! So thank you!!
There is more that I could and want to say but I have been sitting here too long and now need to go put my feet up again! Thanks for listening...until next time :)

missing my baby...

This is when Hunter could actually stay home with me a couple of weeks ago.
He was just starting to pull himself up in his crib :) The sign that his bed needed to be lowered!
lowered and now chewing on his crib...

caught and loving it!

Tanner's first day at Kindergarten!!

August 31st was Tanner's first day of school!
We were just heading out the door and I was trying to get him to smile normal :)

where they line up waiting for their teacher Mrs. Merkley

heading in...no problem for him :)

He Loves school!